Rich and Mortella
by HumanBarricade
Summary: Totally not a blatant rip off of Rick and Morty. Super original. I swear. Besides, Rick and Morty are rip offs themselves! I'd just be ripping off the rip offs...IF I were ripping anything off. Like I said, original and hilarious. Rich is rich and Mortella is fem because I don't know. More not-rip off characters to come and wacky adventures. T more or less for language.
1. Intro

Rich opens the door to his crusty old garage. All sorts of lab equipment covers the countertops or spills out of the cupboards. He stands a full six feet tall, maybe more. He adjusts the sunglasses on his head, price tag still attached, and smooths back his insanely pointed hair. After taking in the astonishing cleanliness of his usually dirty garage, he pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Mortella, you bi- _*burp*_ -itch. Th-this isn't even clean," Rich grumbles.

Mortella gasps and drops her broom. She turns around. Her grandfather gestures to the countertop closest to the door.

"Yeah, i-i-it is," Mortella says, coming closer and looking at it.

Rich bumps over a beaker on the countertop, spilling a gooey yellow paste onto the floor. Mortella squeaks at the sound of the glass breaking. Rich rolls his eyes.

"Here," he says, handing her a roll of bills.

She reaches for it, but Rich holds it up over her head once her hand comes too close.

He adds, "AFTER you _*burp*_ finish cleaning."

"Oh, r-right," Mortella mumbles.

She looks away. She brushes a loose strand of curly brown hair behind her ear, silently wishing it had been tied into the pigtail resting there. Rich gestures towards the mess. Mortella sighs and straightens out her yellow dress with white polka dots. Frowning, she starts mopping the paste half-heartedly.

"Jeez, you look like a n-nineteen-fifties housewife or _*burp*_ something. G-go buy something m-more modern."

Rich drops the wad of bills on the floor and immediately leaves the garage. Mortella scans the room, making sure he's really gone. She drops the mop and then scoops up the bills. She smiles. However, once she unfolds them, her smile dissipates. They're all ones.


	2. Mike the Bodyguard

Mortella twirls around in the kitchen with her new dress. She dances across the tile floor, becoming a streak of pinkish-orange, with the radio turned up. She attempts to do some tricks while making herself a sandwich, but most of the food items fall to the floor. Only when a jar of mayonnaise spills onto her leg does she stop.

"Aw, jeez, gross," she mutters.

She turns down the music and sits up on the counter next to the sink. She washes the mayonnaise off with warm water. Her eyes widen when she notices an unfamiliar blonde man with goggles taking a juice box out of the fridge.

"Wh-who-who-who a-are y-y-you?" Mortella stutters.

"Oh, hey, don't mind me," the man says, squirting the juice into his mouth without using a straw.

"D-does Rich kn-know you're here?"

"Of course. I'm Mike the bodyguard. Oh boy, I just love watching! Just here to keep everyone safe," Mike says. An alarm on his watch goes off and he adds, "Gotta go. I'll see you, but you won't see me!"

Mortella blinks and Mike disappears. Her brown eyes widen. She gulps and slowly slides off the counter.

"Rich?" she says, walking into the mansion's living room.

Rich sits on his couch watching TV on a huge flatscreen.

"What? I'm tr-trying to watch the n-new season of The Mornings and Evenings of M-Ms. Waffle," Rick groans.

Mortella nervously rubs her arm. Rich groans louder and pauses the show. He crosses his arms on the large, leather couch.

"Wha-*burp*-what is it?" he asks. "It better n-not be girl stuff. You're supposed to talk to your mom about that."

Mortella frantically says, "N-no, it's, there w-was this guy i-in the kitchen and-and he suddenly di-dis-disappeared and—"

"It's just Mike. D-do-*burp*-n't worry about him. He-he's cool."

"B-b-but h-he said he w-watches us."

"Duh. That's his job."

"But d-does he, um, y-you know, watch us i-in the b-bathroom, too?"

"Mortella, i-if some bad du-*burp*-dude came into the bathroom and M-Mike wasn't watching th-there, wh-wha-what would b-be the point?"

"Gross, Rich, I-I-I don't w-wanna be watched in the sh-shower."

"Gr-grow up, he wa-watches me just as m-much as he watches you."

Mortella blushes and crosses her arms.


End file.
